Chocolate

Last year when the weather was mild and our hearts still connected, I licked a gluten-free brownie sandwich off your lips.

flash backs now, and it's terrifying.

The year before you bought me 2 pens in colors I didn't want.

I'm not even looking for a face to sit across; I just want to wear lace and lick chocolate off of myself.

One slice of chocolate mouse cake took me three days to get through.
Lava cake with raspberry ice cream came first.
The champagne truffle tasted like acetone, and I bought organic hazelnut chocolate spread since the granny panties told us to. Don't understand? You wouldn't.

"It's about pleasure and learning to receive it"

The doctor told me it ran in my family, 48 generations of women who never felt pleasure and

fuck
us
all,

I think the problem was it never was enough.

I stop mid-way, body does not understand sensations.

Look at me, smile, laugh, isn't that what pleasure is?

Some people look to aphrodisiacs, some people to porn, some people to chocolate;

I've tried them all.

Last year when the weather was mild and our hearts still connected, I dragged you out to buy me ice cream. You had $20 left in your bank account, $20 to your name. We ordered Rose Ice cream, and a gluten-free brownie sandwich with a jasmine center.

I licked it off your face.

We laughed.

It still wasn't enough, and it's coming back in flash backs now.

So I only ate chocolate this morning to forget and then to remember again.

Re-wiring it's called, with pleasure as the end-goal,
rose and wings and sometimes jasmine,
but isn't it always that way?