caught dreams

It is hard to believe that just a year ago I was finishing up finals, preparing for interviews for my internship, packing for London and starting a whole new phase of my life.
It's hard to recall those emotions that dwelt within but I hate to forget where I came from,
But memories are sad to me.
There is sadness in knowing the way I felt and how much I have grown. This is happy sadness.
Then there is the sadness that comes from knowing how much more you could have done in those memories and this is regretful sadness. I find myself in a loving relationship with this emotion.
Then there is the sadness that has no explanation. The kind that just puts your body into a limp stance and shakes the insides until they bleed those tears.
Whenever I look at old photographs or steep my brain in memories so forgotten I get so sad. Such nostalgia for something that is not there anymore but intense delight of knowing that indeed, I was there in those memories as well.

And so as I reminisce on this past year I find such a growth within. No words could explain the change that has occurred and no amount of gratitude can be given for these dreams that have blossomed in front of my eyes. No matter what my current dreams are, I have seen dreams come to life and that is something that not everyone can say. Some dreams I had dissolved in front of my eyes and some I still clench on to since I just desire them so.

We are always changing. It is a crucial aspect in order to live a fulfilled life and this girl, 1 year ago, was never as healthy as she is now. There is delight, there is sunshine and a calm confidence that she never felt before.

She does what she wants now and that is the best change I could ever have asked for.

x

shades of perfect

If you bite down on these seeded clouds, do you not feel that intense life source flowing through you?
A shade of pale yellow, a novel color.
Are you, like me, dreaming of that sugared berry torte?
That dribbling slice in the mid-summer heat served in that overgrown garden we cherish so much.
Is this not everything you asked for and more?
You told me you wished to always be acutely aware of all the beauty that circles throughout!

Feel it now as that juice makes it way down your freckled chin.
That stain is impermanent but the lingering heart skip, that stays with you forever.

to the beach

In these heat filled days we reminisce of childhood youth and that ever present desire to roam free.
But the ripped up brick sidewalks are far more brash than that soft sand I remember and the bars on these windows prove more than a barrier protecting me and the wild waves. 
This city hosts no wet retreat and in the memories I rejoice in a calmness that is so hard to find in this tense local.


Is the shore so hard to grasp?


'To the beach',  I say.

In another memory of something far greater, a Cretian side street stole my heart and those rocks piled high gave way to more than those crashing waves but a prayer that this time I would truly be happy.