Little Gems

Sometimes people surprise you, just when you think it has hit new lows.
And I was your surprise.

It always starts with Sufi love poems, I think that's the only way for authenticity.
Because we knew we would never meet, the door swung wide open for vulnerabilty...
Tell me why this happens?

And if we were able to eye-gaze?
You said, I would cut the conversation off, before it had a chance to go anywhere, and leave you hanging...

I'd give ten thousand rubies for the effect to be changed.

Yet, here we are, relishing in delight at the opening, because there is no fear that we could get hurt.

Tell me why this happens?

Secrets spill out of mouth...I try to shove them back in, oh, no, not now, I don't even know you...
but, you find it interesting and are intrigued, so we continue in the depths, sharing answers and questions to what it is like to date and be.
open, honest, wild and raw.

Sometimes people surprise you and I was your surprise, so we handled it delicately, knew it was connection for the high of it, and let it be what it was...a blip in time.

I love conversations with strangers. We always feel so alivened through them and we crack open so much more, and then once we start to not be strangers anymore, the door closes and locks...
Do not hurt me, I scream...but I am screaming through the wrong door!

Alas, alas, it is the way and only way, to push through the fears and knock the door down.
Tangles, they call them.
I prefer to call them knots, since knots don't undo without some help, and my comb is too wide and it hurts, you know, it hurts scalp and then tears rush out and then what good are we?

So here I am in the juxtaposition of it all.
You have moved your status from 'new' to 'dear friend', and that has changed everything here internally, for you as well as me, I know. Your actions are far easier to understand and I don't understand any of it right now. Stressed is bull-crap. I want truth.

Blahing, and blahing in my head and today I said, NO. Today is for me, but somehow I'm still going to see you tonight since then perhaps it will all become clear, or perhaps more muddled, but either way something will occur.

Ah, but we take with us these little gem moments that creep up and then leave us, just as a memory fades on the sands so too do I treasure the memories that have yet to be washed away.

copy write this, since I stole your lines now and will continue to do so forever.

Dialogue is just that, and I have more words up my sleeve, darling.

riding fast

Behind and again it's still the same,
as I race my legs to follow you but you are on a completely different energy level.

I say, "You are like me on crack"...

You say, "I'm calm, you've seen me calm".

Yes, but this is strange.

And then,

No's a no, even if it's said delicately, so I balled eyes out, and said, "Damn it, I'm starting from scratch again".

I wanted to call you but decided it was better to stay lonely with flat faces -
so I make plans with someone new,
and hope you'll call me later -

Afraid to cry to you.

What would that mean?

And we said, okay, you like me , I like you, let's leave it out there plain and simple.

Don't make this something that it's not -

Oh boy,
embarrassment and nobody knows how to fucking spell.

The lights get dim,

My arm is aglow, and we rock and roll, since it's fun and we want to.

But today I feel like a loser.
I said it.

The baby doll and the rocks don't do much anymore.
The laundry is piled high, and the shower can only wash away so much.

Tomorrow is another day, so today I seep into a fantasy world of money and belongings, and other people's problems that are so much greater than my own, but I would like to pay for a meal out, and not think twice, so it looks good enough for me.

Why do we not go out together?

and so many other questions,

Glow-in-the-Dark

I thought about you all day yesterday.
You called me twice yesterday and I missed both calls.
This is irony.
---
Ground dear she told him.
And she really needs to say that to herself.
---
I am a glowing star, and sometimes the darkness hides that light.
---
You say pensivity, I call bullshit.
---
It's an obsession, infatuation, wonder, worry, and grief in so many ways.
---
Why does my mind play pretend?
---
Oh the stories in our heads, make me deaf until I am dead.
---
They never really see the whole of it, and that's the fear.
---
I am turning over and over and over in bed, and all I see is your smile.
---

So I put on fake tattoos and hope it all lights up the night when I see you.

calla lilies

The calla lilies are soaked in wine, but so are my lips.
They rubbed off on you and that was a younger version of me's dream, so we let it happen and then we stopped it, and the purple is still so purple.

Remembering that basement and the secrets we shared there.

So I sat next to an old flame and old friend.
Sometimes all you need is time to flatten the wrinkles, and so we pressed our sheets and could smile and laugh again, and this is maturity.

The morrocan melodies turned our shoes inside out and I jumped in my 6-inch heels so many times I might have flown up and away with the impact.

But all I can do is smile with my wine lips.

The whiskey loosens windows, and fresh air flows through and they all love me.

But today is not about me or my exagerated lies and wanderlust tales.
No, today is about two other hearts, and a union of love.

So we sang to you and held your hands and all you asked for was water with a straw.

Easy

And now
It all settles in.

Red wine stains and I might have spilled, so clean up this mind, heal the hearts of all involved nothing is anything anyways.
Remembering that basement and the way your eyes lingered on each other.

"If I could be with her forever, I would be the happiest man alive."
These words were spoken to me, witness of the love, witness to the growth and wonder that comes with fresh eyes and bubbling hearts filled with passion.

We all wore red glasses last night, they were shaped like hearts and it reminded me of all the ways I see the world.

So here it is.

The epilogue.
End scene.

My part is complete and now just like the calla lilies, it will wither away just leaving a sweet but faint smell in its parting.

tilt -a- whirl // this or that

This or that you say, but I know this game well.

You know, to always have connection.

Who are you?

Hammocks, soft serve ice cream, road trips, plays, tree house DIY'd by us, and all the rest that binds us in a yes this is it.

So today we grabbed breakfast before you went to work,
London is in a deep fog, but you still like me, and we walk by the river.

the playground finds us, and we play, but of course.
Tilting and whirling and you don't like roller coasters.

So we jet off in a speed boat, adrenaline, yes, mastermind plans, goofy somethings and always a hop in the step.

giggle here, because I boiled a mouse but you are afraid of spiders so in this or that we really have no comparison.

Something to get me through the day or is it getting even brighter?

The sun rise means we have the whole day ahead of us, and sunset is my favorite show.

I'll be onstage, and you can feed me the lines, something tells me you want to be up there too.

I'll get paid to sell expensive flowers and you can create dream homes and at night with the music soft, and candles lit, we can discuss in laughter and tones all the funny bits of the day and as the water of the shower washes over us, we can remember that memory of lung talk and how you'd do me so well .

Well, it's just a day, and a day becomes more when there is connection, and connection has been made and this or that is more than I could ever ask for since I've been asking for it my whole life, and I didn't have to ask this time.

it's like you just know.

and that is why I'm whirling, currently.

Luxury

What is luxury with no bill attached?

It's lavender in full bloom, fragrant and purple buds spilling seed that ease tension within.

It's you rooting for me from the sidelines, even though you just met me.

It's that heart skip and the gushy feeling in my stomach when you text me pretty little nothings.

It's moving at a speed that feels in concert with my values, self-assured and non-force.

It's the pick-me-ups, the laughter, and the deep connection of just knowing that presence is being held in my honor.

It's the green of a leaf, the sun's warmth on my back, the feeling of driving too fast on a highway with the music too loud.

It's trusting in the flow, the right-action and the taupe colored nails.

It's symbols and signs and leaps into the hills, no helmet, no net.

It's asking for a date, pitted and sweet, and getting a whole date tree, ladder and hands to hold me up.

It's poems sent to my inbox because I had a moment of weakness, and hoorays in my honor for being the very best me I can be.

It's saying, "I want to see your pretty face," and the plans that follow.

It's having someone care, that before a week ago, didn't know my name.

I'm swimming in luxury without the bill and it's more splendid than a decadent chocolate torte.

The lavender is wild here, it grows under our feet and around the bed. I think and then I am, the ashwaganda has eased my mind, anxiety floating nowhere near, and I'm running full speed ahead with my heart in my hands saying, YES, YES, YES and bless this very day!

 

comfortable

You say, "It's really comfortable with you, like really easy"
I agree,
and we stare deeper into these new eyes that are filled with so much wonder and so much unknown.

Yours are hazelnut cream, transparent and sparkling.
I think you've said 10 times how beautiful my eyes are, a solar eclipse, but I see flowers,
and of course.

You keep saying, "Sweetheart", and it's strange since I placed a pink 'sweetheart' with the word 'YES' imprinted on it, on our fire altar.

It lingered there through all the prayer, tears, screams, constipation, laughs, hugs, dancing.

And then, when it was time to go, I slipped it in my pocket, and now, here it lays sugary and sweet by my bedside, as you text me "goodnight, sweetheart".

and you would never have known,

but nobody has called me that before.

You said, "We must have already loved each other before we met, that's the only explanation"

Ears perk, eyes narrow in (cookoo? or truth filled?)

but shapes only fit in holes already carved out for them, and we've been carving our perfect shapes for months.

so, maybe,
you have a point.

You call me today, even though you are sick.
You want to know how I am, how my progress is going.

I tell you the good news, you light up.
And you praise me. Wow, how you praise me!

When I see you, you lift me up, with that hug, kiss, lift that I always wished for and never got.

My discernment bracelet fell off,

it might be in your bed.

Easy kisses, and lingering moments, minutes, seconds that feel like forever.

Something is moving the time, and our fingers dig deeper into each others backs.

yes, yes, we are present.

I say, "I'm not thinking, with you, I don't have to think!"

My whole body curious,
my whole being free and silly.

Goofy and unleashed, and that's my recipe for connection.

So we laugh together in bed,
and say, "That was a really good minute we just had, wasn't it?"