i've been legalized.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
Twenty one.
Last night was just beautiful. Delicious Tapas food at Boqueria with my big sis and plenty of sangrias of course!
Then off to the Flatiron lounge for my first LEGAL drink. I got an Old Cuban: Aged rum, Champagne, Lime, Mint and Sugar. mmmhm.
Enjoying this day, although the big festivities happen later on this week!
So blessed to have so many amazing friends and such an incredible family.
I LOVE YOU ALL.

just some liquid.

Well, in anticipation for the big Two One I had to do a roundup of some of my favorite pairings...I mean, nothing gourmet, just some basic parings that are sure never to fail. I am studying up on the art of mixology, so really I delight in more complex flavors and such, but these pairs above are just simple pleasures. They just never fail!

Never look down

This is my view. Out the office and through the glass.
It's a 'don't look down' kind of feeling when your eyes meet this view, the kind that say, I know it's awesome but do you also realize we are 32 flights up and that is really high!
My stomach clenches more the closer I get to the feel of the glass and you better believe I look down just to remind myself how fears can be overcome.

The sun was setting just so brilliantly on Friday and to be up so high it felt as if I also were a part of that sunset in the sky; Just a novel orange splotch on the watercolor canvas, perhaps pink, and someday hopefully purple.

Praise the Purple Night.

Where am I tonight?

Am I with you in the eternity of love?

I sit and wait and try to hear that calling deep within.  Yet around and around I hear the stillness of my own silence and the cacophony of sounds beyond in the rooms filled with people so borrowed and obscure.

Purple night; praise be the purple night. That only time I’ve felt so much in my life. Wishing always beneath the moon for the waves to crash lighter for me and for the green florescence of earth to come out of its passive shade and for my soul that has been so battered in those pasts to learn to heal with true intention.

For me this is my night, around and always.

Waiting for you to signal me, that yes, this can be the time when it all means more than it ever meant. When the sun rises up into a sweet song of fancy.

For the night to blend into morning and the purple sky to turn to simmering heat in the morning light.

But now, alone, in the room, that fire of my light is so very dim. 

here are words I wrote many months, perhaps years ago...I find my writing comes from the deepest of places. It is never easy to fully let out exactly how one feels, but oh how much better it makes you feel when you see them there written, black letters on stark white page. It forces you to read your thoughts, it makes the intangible, tangible suddenly and perhaps then, the knot loosens inside, if only a tad. It can only help to organize all the mess within...for we all have much that we are trying to put back into its rightful place.

and here i am sharing some of that with you.

Shadow&Light

How does a part of the world leave the world?
How does wetness leave water?
Don't try to put out fire by throwing on more fire!
Don't wash a wound with blood.
No matter how fast you run, your shadow keeps up.
Sometimes it's in Front!
Only full overhead sun diminishes your shadow. But that shadow has been serving you.
What hurts you, blesses you.
Darkness is your candle.
Your boundaries are your quest.
I could explain this, but it will break the glass cover on your heart, and there's no fixing that.
You must have shadow and light source both.
Listen, lay your head under the tree of awe.
When from that tree feathers and wings sprout on you, be quieter than a dove.
Don't open your mouth for even a coo. [rumi]

'what hurts you, blesses you' - try to fully comprehend this!
We need those moments of ostensible darkness to fully know how bright we can shine. Our boundaries prove as teachers and those closed and rock-hard places only serve as great reminders for where we wish to be. These moments, lifetimes of a sort, enhance our ability to see the duality in all and notice when things are truly wonderful. When that 'awe' comes, oh how fruitful our lives will be!

bedtime readings.

SOUL & THE OLD WOMAN

What is the Soul?
Consciousness. 
The more awareness, the deeper the soul, and when such essence overflows, you feel a sacredness around. 
It's so simple to tell one who puts on a robe and pretends to be a dervish from the real thing.
We know the taste of pure water.
Words can sound like a poem but not have any juice, no flavor to relish.
How long do you look at pictures on a bathhouse wall?
Soul is what draws you away from those pictures to talk with the old woman who sits outside by the door in the sun.
She's half blind, but she has what soul loves to flow into. 
She's kind; she weeps.
She makes quick personal decisions, and laughs so easily.
[Rumi]

Last night I fell asleep, salt still lingering on my eyelids from tearing too much from the truth. I read these poems and it is as if they know me. They find a way into me, through me, almost as if I had written them myself. Such truths. We know this as such, we know how much it means to us, since the tears just well up so fast, and yet, do we really understand? We think we do, we try to. 
Ah, such blessings to even be able to feel such emotions...


These are my bedtime stories lately, for nothing else can make me feel so much.

geniuses we are.

[elle decor]
"Everybody is a genius.
but if you judge a fish
by its ability to climb a tree,
it will live its
whole life believing that
it is stupid" [Albert Einstein].

a deep breathe in.
my, this rings true. I feel sometimes as if I am like that fish, perhaps being compared to people who have very different strengths than I. Maybe not even strengths, but more so interests.
However, we cannot compare our abilities, for we are such different beings - all of us!

To me, genius is beauty. Not superficial but real, raw and heart-pounding beauty.
Genius is desire, a craving for more -
A smile and a laugh.
Genius is that knowledge that we are all one and that the world is and always has been good -
A moment of pause for thankfulness for our mouthwatering food.
Genius lies in poetry and in broken phrases that we try to let out to show others how we feel.

to me, this is my genius.
What is yours?

A world of Snowy Whites

[photo taken by me many years ago.]
It snowed today.

First thing I did, after looking out my window, was go to read my all time favorite poem.
I believe it captures the essence of a first snow fall. The simplicity that snow brings and the desire that we always have for more. It is a Wallace Stevens classic and I have been fond of it for a very long time.

The Poems of Our Climate

I

Clear water in a brilliant bowl,

Pink and white carnations. The light

In the room more like a snowy air,

Reflecting snow. A newly-fallen snow

At the end of winter when afternoons return.

Pink and white carnations---one desires

So much more than that. The day itself

Is simplified: a bowl of white,

Cold, a cold porcelain, low and round,

With nothing more than the carnations there.

II

Say even that this complete simplicity

Stripped one of all one's torments, concealed

The evilly compounded, vital I

And made it fresh in a world of white,

A world of clear water, brilliant-edged,

Still one would want more, one would need more,

More than a world of white and snowy scents.

III

There would still remain the never-resting mind,

So that one would want to escape, come back

To what had been so long composed.

The imperfect is our paradise.

Note that, in this bitterness, delight,

Since the imperfect is so hot in us,

Lies in flawed words and stubborn sounds.

And yes, I believe that there is much to be learned from this poem. I invite everyone to re-read it and explore what it really means that, "the imperfect is our paradise".

On a more nostalgic note, I sledded in central park today! Swirling over the ice and hardened snow in my multiple layers that still seemed to let all cold air through to my insides. Amongst the little kids with their colorful hats and gloves, I too was a child today. A fun moment to be so carefree with great friends! After much fun in the snow, and many full body laughs as we watched child after child get crashed into by other children on their sleds [poor navigation skills] we headed in to a cosy cafe, where twinkle lights hung so purposefully on the windows covered in ice. It was in that cafe, warm chai tea in hand, that I was able to breathe for a moment; realizing how lucky I am to have moments such as these. And although I wished I could go indoors, bake some chocolate chip cookies and watch a movie or two with a good roommate or friend, it can't always be so perfect. So I boarded the subway train back downtown to my apartment alone and curled up on my couch, as I often do.
A wonderful day, even if only parts of it seemed so.

thunder in our hearts

'There is thunder in our hearts'
saw this quote written on a tote bag, loved the imagery it brought to mind.
and speaking of road trips - this picture just about sums it all up!
Gorgeous Americana Landscape!

Road Trippin'

As an editorial intern for The Editor at Large and an Style & Market intern for Country Living, I get to see many amazing new products and collections daily. The above, I stumbled upon during a full day of running in and out of showrooms in the Decoration and Design Building. It is the latest Perennials outdoor fabric line called Road Trippin'. Inspired by wanderlust (which I have at present) and those long and invigorating road trips that lead to adventures afar, these new patterns and colorways have stolen my heart. I am obsessed, and I mean can't stop drooling over, the outdoor pillows in the top picture. I think the colors, textures and patterns are absolutely perfect and I want all of them now for my non-existent outdoor patio. Imagine relaxing outdoors in the summertime dusk, lounging on those pillows, with coconut candles lit, fairy lights hung off the fruit trees beyond and sipping a sangria or too...ah.
Just the thought of these pillows has got me all in a dream-like state and it wouldn't take much coaxing to get me to run off on this life and road trip away in search of vintage finds and inspiration galore! In fact, that sounds quite lovely!

remember, remember

Dirty streets of Philadelphia.
These were my steps, these were my routes, these were the paths I took home.
It holds a space within me, but one that has been long replaced.
and so, as I retraced those old markings on the ripped up cobblestone, I felt a distance between my feet and the ground.
It was not the same as it used to be, returning never is.
The scenery so similar, yet inked in by other passersby, newer ones that have made those streets their own, their foot treads covering over my own.
I walked with no intention, saw what used to be, and concluded that it is indeed wonderful to remember, but I delight in moving forward.

Building new foundations now, making new paths. I hate to regress, to place these toes in my already made imprints. Remember, remember always where we come from, but let the road in front guide us to a new destination...Yes, a new home, a new street and new scenery. There are many joyous memories to be made!

lip of insanity

[spell & the gypsy collective tumblr]

'I have lived on the lip of insanity,
wanting to know reasons,
knocking on a door,
it opens.
I have been knocking from the inside!'
[rumi]

knocking and knocking and I think the door is creaking open as of yet. it is always an adventure figuring out what is needed and what is just supposed superficial joy. It reminds me to look inside, more so than I do currently, it keeps me on my toes, remembering there is always more opening to be done.

busy girl

I can't seem to get enough of interning, and so I have started this week at another Shelter Magazine, Country Living. I have always been inspired by their simplistic and rustic approach to design. It never has been quite my aesthetic, per say, but it touches a cord with me, and when I see those gardens filled with herbs and wild flowers and those shabby chic interiors, I can't help but be nostalgic for a time when it all was so simple.

However, behind the comfort and simplicity of the magazine pages is much more stress then imaginable. A good lesson for sure in what my soul really needs and what my mind thought I so desired.

A wish for all of us to find what we love and go for it.

xx.