new moon in AV

The poppy pod shook in our hands,
ears remembering lifetimes and oh darling, how we must contain multitudes!

Seeds pouring into the deep red wine.
floating on the surface,
magic beings, black specks in a sea of Bordeaux.

She anointed my third eye with this mixture,
My body quivered,
There is more love to be given.

The angels sing to us, calling us from our depths.

Divine sparks lit in circles and the deep carnations spiraled beyond.

There is a temple,
and it could be you.

if only you let the light shine through the cracks in your foundation.

We stole stones,
held them to heart,
head,
vagina.

White light combing our insides and the world beyond fell away.

Deepening,
deepening to source.

Until the drum beats become your heart beats and your heart beat becomes the drum.

I wept as I returned all grief to soil,
we are only vessels,
moving energy within and without.

It is clear,
too clear to me now.

and remember the deep love within,
and remember your name,
your archetype and your month.

Who are you dear sister? Where do you show up for us in this circle?

The sweet smell of rose water awoke us all back into this dimension,
chocolate treats and candies grounding us down.

down.
down,
to mama,
and perhaps farther.

Where is the body if it is not lost fully within you?!

The moon didn't shine tonight, the air is wet, the dark is strong.

When I wept, the skies opened up

we couldn't be more connected,

like the snapped twig,
and my twitch.

step slower into the month of AV,
breathe in and let the toxins ride out into the sweat glands.

We don't need anything else but these remembrances,
and then some.

prayer, or something more?

Prayer is you here with me, hands held, heart racing less than it usually does.
You love my hands on your stomach, my head on your chest.

In my dreams, I am always in a field, full of flowers, prancing, somewhere...

You are never with me, but somewhere beyond, holding space for all my play and pray and awe.

In my heart you are always brightening, learning, evolving into your truest self.

In my hands, you are whole, even when you acknowledge uncertainty and frustration.

I sometimes wonder, could we ever hold ritual together,
What would it mean to honor and behold divine, if we were bringing her majesty in at the same time.

And then I think, I don't need you to bring it, just honor me, as I hold space for all the love in the universe.

This is the quest of body, soul, mind and action.
Actually, I was just going to do, and not ask, and I'd rather not ask, but tell, and you just have to honor me, as you do, forever.

I am not so different, but I see awe in the fear and the fear in the awe and I live in a constant state of all the veils co-mingling.

When you hold me, we sway, somewhere, maybe not even together, but our hands don't ever want to part, and your eyes always glow for me, although I'm still not sure you really do notice.

And if you did notice, you might be scared.
Because reality is racing fast, and you are still in the driver's seat, and I still stare excitedly out the window as the trees pass by and as you graze my thigh I think many thoughts,
and words try to escape my lips,

but I never let them,

because then more than prayer would escape,
and maybe we can't hold it, while we drive too fast on the highway.

Look me in the eyes,
hold my body and my soul,
and whisper sweetness,
whatever you feel,
anything to say to me,

What your eyes do everyday.

Beloved.

I close my eyes and a million screams storm from my sacral core.

No,
No
No
NO
NOO

louder and louder and louder than before.

Reverberations of generations, energy tingling,
loosening?

Nerve endings uncertain.

I close my eyes and try to remember when it all closed around my deepest yearn

and all I see is black,
and you begging me, filled with concern,

"There is so much to protect!"

Yes.

I close my eyes and try to listen to the cells within, the ones that know all my answers before I ever do,
the ones that say, 'listen to me! I know how to untangle!'

But the cells are muted,
something is off.

My ancestors screamed fears out of me,
haunted and tortured by pleasure-less acts,
and I sit in the office,
questioning everything,

since I am so far removed,
but you live inside me,
and nothing can be changed without acceptance.

What do you not want me to know?!
What do I not want to know?

What is this control that takes over, so afraid of the full rush of life within!

And so I close my eyes and cry.

And release is release but it's not been waterfall gush as I anticipated, as I wrote for us,
for me,
for my own healing.

Passion and heartbreak are one thing,
but this is life-force energy,

and I need to re-think.
---
I called you beloved,
because you are the only one who can make me feel so solidly certain in this world.

remembering the rock and the stars and my body melting on it so purely in love with your divinity.

Call me lover and I will remember.

I am inside of you, as you reside in me.

xo