Beloved.

I close my eyes and a million screams storm from my sacral core.

No,
No
No
NO
NOO

louder and louder and louder than before.

Reverberations of generations, energy tingling,
loosening?

Nerve endings uncertain.

I close my eyes and try to remember when it all closed around my deepest yearn

and all I see is black,
and you begging me, filled with concern,

"There is so much to protect!"

Yes.

I close my eyes and try to listen to the cells within, the ones that know all my answers before I ever do,
the ones that say, 'listen to me! I know how to untangle!'

But the cells are muted,
something is off.

My ancestors screamed fears out of me,
haunted and tortured by pleasure-less acts,
and I sit in the office,
questioning everything,

since I am so far removed,
but you live inside me,
and nothing can be changed without acceptance.

What do you not want me to know?!
What do I not want to know?

What is this control that takes over, so afraid of the full rush of life within!

And so I close my eyes and cry.

And release is release but it's not been waterfall gush as I anticipated, as I wrote for us,
for me,
for my own healing.

Passion and heartbreak are one thing,
but this is life-force energy,

and I need to re-think.
---
I called you beloved,
because you are the only one who can make me feel so solidly certain in this world.

remembering the rock and the stars and my body melting on it so purely in love with your divinity.

Call me lover and I will remember.

I am inside of you, as you reside in me.

xo